Stargazing
by Indian Summer 2378
Summary: After returning from New Earth, Kathryn goes to the holodeck to order her thoughts. J/C
1. Chapter 1

**This story was written for KJaneway115's 2-hour challenge at AO3 and is set after Resolutions.**

 **Thanks, KJaneway115, for betaing!**

 **No copyright infringement intended.**

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Kathryn left the warmth of the house and closed the door behind her. In the cold air, her breath formed a white, puffy cloud every time she exhaled, and her eyes had to adjust to the darkness before she could start walking. The lights of the houses grew darker with each of her steps, and she heard nothing except the frozen grass cracking under her boots.

She had created the holodeck scenario of her childhood home to remind herself what her goal was. Before she and Chakotay had had to leave the ship there was no doubt about it, she wanted to bring her crew home, but during the last few weeks, home had become something other than Earth. It had become New Earth.

She had never thought it would come to that. In the beginning, she had been sure she would find a cure sooner rather than later, so she hadn't thought they would have to deal with building a home. It had been Chakotay's efforts that changed her way of thinking and it was even before her equipment was destroyed that she started to like life on New Earth. Because of him.

Swallowing hard, she stopped. It was the first time she had openly admitted to herself that he was the reason she had liked being on New Earth. It shouldn't surprise her; deep down she had known it and since they were back on Voyager she missed him, desperately; his calming presence when he worked at a project, his creative approaches of building a home, his attentiveness.

Her shoulders hung and she imagined footsteps behind her, footsteps she would recognize anywhere after the last few weeks, but she knew he wouldn't come and invade her private holodeck time. She wouldn't have invaded his, either.

Discouraged, she raised her head. Without any disturbing light, the view of the night sky was clear and she could see all the familiar stars and constellations. Her eyes fell on Orion first, the grand hunter with its striking belt. Above it, the majestic Taurus rose, with the Pleiades at the highest point of the wintry night sky. Once she had loved the sight of those stars, but now she wanted nothing more than to go back to the still unfamiliar stars of New Earth.

There was no going back, of course. She had an obligation to her crew, she was the reason they were stranded in the Delta Quadrant and she had to be strong again, had to focus on her task. If only she could forget what had happened during the last few weeks, the happiness, the… love.

Her eyes filled with tears and her stomach turned into a knot. He had touched her deeply by his revelation of his feelings for her. He had put them into such beautiful words that it took her breath away and she regretted that she had needed more time to come to terms with herself. In hindsight she wished she would've had thrown caution to the wind but there had been no need to rush things. They'd had the rest of their lives, after all.

How wrong she had been, she realized bitterly because Voyager's return had changed everything, and like a reflex she had withdrawn from him. She had seen his hurt; he was a sensitive man, but she couldn't help herself. Too much had happened in her past and she could never explore what was between them onboard Voyager.

"Tuvok to Janeway."

Tuvok's voice interrupted her train of thoughts and she had to pull herself together before she tapped her combadge. "Janeway here."

"Captain, unless I'm mistaken, we wanted to go through the latest reports at 1500 hours."

She sighed quietly. "Yes, thank you, Tuvok. I'll be right there. Janeway out."

She closed the comlink and straightened. She would have to live with the knowledge that she hadn't given Chakotay a reason for her behavior, but she couldn't talk to him openly while she was his captain. She could only hope that, one day, she'd be able to tell him and that he would forgive her.

Like many times before, she swallowed her emotions and turned to leave. "Computer, end program," she ordered, and the familiar landscape vanished in a blink of an eye.


	2. Chapter 2

Kathryn left the warmth of the house and closed the door behind her. In the cold air, her breath formed a white, puffy cloud every time she exhaled, and her eyes had to adjust to the darkness before she could start walking. The lights of the houses grew darker with each of her steps, and she heard nothing except the frozen grass cracking under her boots.

After seven and a half years in the Delta Quadrant it was still hard for her to believe that everything around her was real, that she was indeed home. She had known that, despite how much she had hoped to get home, the chances of success were minimal at best and never had she envisioned that she would long for the life in the Delta Quadrant. But she did. She missed Voyager, the daily routine aboard, and her crew, all the people she considered family. And most importantly, she missed Chakotay.

Smirking sarcastically, she shook her head at herself. The last time she had seen him was only a few hours ago, at the finalization of the debriefings. To not know when she would see him again made her heart ache, though. They hadn't been apart for longer than a couple of days since they'd been stranded in the Delta Quadrant and it was hard for her to accept that he wasn't a part of her life any longer.

Downhearted, she stopped and raised her head. The view of the sky was clear and she could see all the stars and constellations of Earth's Northern Hemisphere winter night sky. She remembered the last time she watched those stars. It had been on the holodeck, about five years earlier, and she had been as sad then as she was now.

Suddenly, a shooting star appeared beneath Orion and she remembered her mother saying she could make a wish and it would come true. It was superstition, a shooting star was nothing more than a tiny fragment of an asteroid burning up when entering Earth's atmosphere, but she had nothing to lose. She wished for familiar footsteps behind her. Warm, strong arms encircling her and never letting her go. She knew it was pointless. He was with Seven now. He wouldn't come.

The cold was crawling under her clothes and as she shoved her gloved hands deep into the pockets of her warm coat she began to hear footsteps behind her; familiar footsteps, footsteps she would recognize anywhere. This couldn't be real, she thought and waited with anticipation while the footsteps came closer.

Finally, without turning to each other, he stopped next to her. "Hi," he said softly.

"Hi."

"Stargazing?" he asked and she could hear a smile in his voice.

"Yes."

"I can see why," he said with wonder and raised his head to the faint shimmering light of the Milky Way above him. "It's beautiful."

"It is."

"I can't recall the last time I looked at those stars."

"I remember the last time as if it were today."

He turned his head to her, surprised. "You do?"

"Yes," she nodded and looked at him. In the darkness she could only see his silhouette but she knew his face by heart. "The last time I stood here was shortly after our stay on New Earth," she told him.

"Oh?"

"I created the holodeck program to help me focus on my goal, but frankly the only thing I really wanted was to turn the ship around and go back."

"I didn't know."

"I never told you."

They got quiet and she took a deep breath and braced herself before she spoke again. "Chakotay, what are you doing here?"

He looked down and shuffled his feet on the frozen grass. "I missed you."

"We saw each other today," she teased him, smiling, relieved that he obviously felt the same way as she did.

"I know. But the thought that it was the last time for I don't know how long was hard to take. Too hard. Until today we have seen each other almost every day. I don't know if you remember but you told me once that you couldn't imagine a day without me. Well, I can't imagine a day without you, either."

"I remember," she said and her heart began to beat faster.

"I looked forward to the debriefings every day, no matter how difficult or boring the subject was, simply because I saw you there."

She nodded. "I liked seeing you there, too. And I missed you, too. Before you came, I thought about the last time I stood here. I'm sorry that I never told you the reason for my behavior after we left New Earth but it was too hard, too painful. I had just started to settle down, looked forward to our life together and then it was snatched from me again."

"It was hard for both of us," he assured her. "But we're here now." He closed the space between them and she couldn't believe it was really happening. Raising his hand, he touched her face softly. "We can build a new life on the old Earth," he whispered.

"I'd love to," she said without a second thought.

Smiling, he bent down and kissed her gently. She returned the kiss and he reached around her, pulling her body to his.

After they parted she turned in his arms and rested her back against his chest. They enjoyed the feeling of being close to each other and watched the stars quietly as suddenly another shooting star appeared.

"Make a wish," he whispered into her ear. "It'll come true."

She smiled, contentedly, and snuggled deeper into his embrace. "No need to. It already did."

 _The End_


End file.
